So I am the worst blogger in the world when it comes to this one. Sure, I blog and write for a living, but when it comes to updating you all on my new life as a mother I just never seem to make the time.

I’d have you thinking that my life is so glamorous — days full of spinning classes, expensive client lunches at some smug fusion-y San Francisco restaurant, jogging in the park, pedicures and facials. But honestly, the hours merely comprise of long conference calls, email volleys, some finance writing, traffic, breast-pumping, poop cleaning, cooking and gibberish talking with my new little girlfriend.

All this makes for one haggard working mommy by the time little one is in bed.

But whatever — that’s no excuse. What I want to do with this blog now is discuss life as a working mother. A) That’s pretty much all I know right now;  B) Anything else requires too much brain power that my sluggish mind can’t handle for at least a few more months; and C) online mommies are the coolest and I hope to meet more of you via common interests and life experiences.

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The waiting.

What have the last few weeks felt like? Let’s see — at one point I would’ve said it felt like waiting for Christmas to arrive as a kid, that feeling of trying to get to sleep knowing that a fat man in a red suit was going to break into my house at night and suspiciously leave presents I’d been wanting for a long time. (Remember that this was perceived as a good thing to an American kid.) Yeah, those were the light-hearted early days of waiting.

Then there have been days where my mind has wandered into the abyss of “holy shit what if something’s really wrong here?” These have not been fun days, and most likely counterproductive to the process of allowing my body to go into labor. Luckily, I’ve been able to talk myself down from this tree each time this has happened. Positive, Jess, positive. There’s nothing wrong and even if there were it can be managed like everything else. Everything is just fine. All is as it should be. Breathe. She will come when she’s ready.

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