Now that this pregnancy show is winding down and gearing up for the New Adventures of Mommy, Daddy and Addi, I thought it was high time for a recap of the ups and downs that stand out the most in my mind.
One of the things you quickly learn while pregnant is that everyone — and I mean EVERYONE — has advice to give. Don’t get me wrong, it comes from a good place. And god help me had it not been for the advice that has really helped me along the way. It’s just kind of funny when you start to get advice from total strangers or better yet – people who don’t even have kids! For this, I will open up the list with my thoughts on advice….
Best advice: By far, some of the top advice I’ve received has been to not engage in conversations about birth with people you don’t know or who don’t have your best interests in mind (with more concern for relaying their own stories). They will inevitably launch into how HORRIBLE their birth was, blah blah blah. Excruciating pain. Long labor. Vacuums, c-sections, you name it. This is sooooooo true.
If you’re like me and plan to do it your own way AND enjoy the experience (pain be damned), then it’s best to just not go there. The truth is that there are plenty of awesome birth stories out there where everyone was laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves. If this sounds foreign to you, it’s because the horror stories are the ones that sell on TV, in movies and in people’s own minds.
Also, get a doula. I did and I’m so glad. We love her like family and she’s made us feel so capable and confident in this whole process. She will ensure that the safety circle around me is not messed with so Mekuria and I can focus on the relaxing birth we’ve planned for.
Worst advice: Take it easy and eat what you want. This is not so bad on the surface, but often comes from a dated point of view. Sure, you don’t want to go out and lift subcompact cars for fun while pregnant. I actually kept up my regular exercise routine through most of the first and second trimesters, cutting back on some running miles as I battled fatigue and a growing belly. It made me feel better and I believe helped me stave off things like high blood pressure, rapid weight gain, even deeper fatigue and anxiety.
Best book: Like many first-time preggers, I found myself reading a ton of books and Web sites. By far, though, the BEST book I read was loaned to me by a friend who has two kids of her own. “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” was the best thing I ever could have picked up at my midway point. It got my head into the birth, which I knew would come eventually but hadn’t spent much time pondering yet at that point. This book is pretty “beads and granola” as my boss would say. Put another way: it is super hippie. The first half is a collection of birth stories written by women who gave birth naturally with midwives – many of which took place at “the farm” where Ina May Gaskin and her team of midwives assist in non-hospital births. Yeah, it is that hippie.
But even despite my cynicism, this ended up being the best experience for me. Not only did it show me that natural birth can be achieved, but it also gave me some context as to why in the age of interventions and drugs a woman would want to do this. It made me realize that childbirth is not a medical procedure, but rather a natural physiological experience. What’s funny is my friend looked me in the eye and said, “You will want a home birth after you read this.” And at the time, I smiled and thought, um sure. But by the time I got halfway through I was seeing exactly what she meant. In fact, if I had a midwife, the confidence of a first birth already, and a nice quiet home with space for this, I would’ve gone the home birth route, birthing tub and all. If I have another child, I know that I will indeed plan a home birth (as long as everything is good and normal of course).
Worst book: OK, I can’t really say I read a “worst book,” but I can say that I have come across some pretty lame Web sites. I’m in the content business so maybe my point of view is different. But peruse through a handful of sites on one issue or question and you quickly see how many copy or license the same content. Hell, some are just outright ad traps where every other word is a sponsored link. This is true of many subjects though, not just pregnancy. It just really jumped out at me on this journey.
Clothing I’ve missed the most: I’m pretty down to earth, physically active, and love to be practical. However, I love heels and have not been able to wear any for quite some time now. I can’t wait to don my heels again!
Clothing I will miss the most: I do sort of miss zippers, but it’s also pretty kick ass to wear pants with elasticized waistbands all the time without venturing too far into the dowdy zone.
Best food: My two favorite foods have been fruit (any and all kinds) and vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce poured over. (And yes, I am aware at how cliche this is, but I don’t care.)
Worst food: One day I decided to grab some vegetarian sushi rolls for lunch. I thought I was being good because raw fish is a big no-no while pregnant (and also one of my favorite things to eat) so I opted for the less exciting and downright bland avocado and cucumber rolls. However, I washed them down with a little wasabe on them not really thinking. BIG MISTAKE! This set off a red alert in my system and my esophagus proceeded to burn burn burn like the world’s best Talking Heads tune through the afternoon and night.
Funniest “only when you’re pregnant” story: OK, pretty much everyone knows that pregnant women have to pee constantly. Believe it or not this constant urge to urinate actually accelerates in the final weeks. (yeah, like how is that even possible!!??!!) Anyway, I left my office one evening to venture home, stopped at the bathroom on my way out and walked about one block down the street towards my bus stop. Waiting to cross the street, I was hit with an unforgiving urge to pee right then and there. I just happened to be right in front of my gym too, so rather than walk back to the office to hit the lav, I checked into my gym, used the bathroom and checked right back out. Nice workout, eh? I call it the preggie lady squat.
Strangest thing a stranger said to me: “Any day now!” (this when I was only 4 months and beginning to show – what??!!)
What I’ll miss the most: The kindness of strangers; Mekuria’s foot massages; the ease with which I can make myself relax – even in the most stressful situations. I’ll also miss feeling my baby move inside me. And, despite the Christmas-eve-like agony of waiting out these last few weeks, I’ll sort of miss the mystery of my little girl. (By the way, just typing “my little girl” made me a little weepy.)
What I will NOT miss at all: Well, this last month people have had no qualms about staring at my belly and even mouthing the word “wow!” right in front of me. I guess I will not miss that. Definitely will not miss the feeling of being trapped on either my left or right side while sleeping. Normally I’m a thrasher who needs to sleep on all sides, front and back. (I burn a lot of calories when I sleep.)
Hardest month: I would love to be able to say the first and last months, but I didn’t even know I was pregnant the first month so I guess it wasn’t that hard. The second month, though, when I did find out was fraught with nausea, drop-dead fatigue, bloating and constipation. Definitely the hardest month for me.
Easiest month: Somewhere around the fourth to fifth month life became blissful. I had told everyone who needed to know. My belly was growing and I was feeling and looking more pregnant rather than just fat. But I was still able to work out at the gym, sleep through the night, and birth seemed so far away. Yeah, that was a good month!
So far, the hardest week will definitely be this last one (or two?) as we anxiously await a sign – any sign – that baby is packing up and moving down. Soon, soon, soon….