The waiting.
What have the last few weeks felt like? Let’s see — at one point I would’ve said it felt like waiting for Christmas to arrive as a kid, that feeling of trying to get to sleep knowing that a fat man in a red suit was going to break into my house at night and suspiciously leave presents I’d been wanting for a long time. (Remember that this was perceived as a good thing to an American kid.) Yeah, those were the light-hearted early days of waiting.
Then there have been days where my mind has wandered into the abyss of “holy shit what if something’s really wrong here?” These have not been fun days, and most likely counterproductive to the process of allowing my body to go into labor. Luckily, I’ve been able to talk myself down from this tree each time this has happened. Positive, Jess, positive. There’s nothing wrong and even if there were it can be managed like everything else. Everything is just fine. All is as it should be. Breathe. She will come when she’s ready.