What have the last few weeks felt like? Let’s see — at one point I would’ve said it felt like waiting for Christmas to arrive as a kid, that feeling of trying to get to sleep knowing that a fat man in a red suit was going to break into my house at night and suspiciously leave presents I’d been wanting for a long time. (Remember that this was perceived as a good thing to an American kid.) Yeah, those were the light-hearted early days of waiting.

Then there have been days where my mind has wandered into the abyss of “holy shit what if something’s really wrong here?” These have not been fun days, and most likely counterproductive to the process of allowing my body to go into labor. Luckily, I’ve been able to talk myself down from this tree each time this has happened. Positive, Jess, positive. There’s nothing wrong and even if there were it can be managed like everything else. Everything is just fine. All is as it should be. Breathe. She will come when she’s ready.

Then there were a few nutso moments where I had an incredible urge to punch anyone who asked me about the status of my pregnancy. Of course, I controlled myself as I realize these questions from friends and family are all out of love and how wonderful to be loved so much by so many! But it’s the questions from strangers that have nearly put me over the edge. Headlines dashed through my mind at moments, “Overdue Preggie Loses Control, Whacks Grocery Store Clerk With Cabbage.”

And I’ve had quite a few hours of one-sided conversation with my baby. I’ve been trying to tell her it’s OK to come out, that the world is ready and we are ready. She can take her time but eventually that time may run out. That wouldn’t be the end of the world, but most likely wouldn’t be the sort of relaxed birth we’d like for her, involving many more needles, knives and other instruments we’re trying to avoid.

Today we’re at d-day plus 8. We had a great set of tests done yesterday to confirm that Addi is healthy and happy, the placenta is healthy and functioning and that there’s really nothing to worry about right now. The order is to just wait.

And so I wait patiently yet another day — this time with pretty noticeable stomach cramps (could it be? could it be?). I’m not going to play these psychological games with her or myself anymore, though. Plenty of babies are born more than a week late, and what does this EDD mean anyway? That’s sort of the funny part of the whole maternity care experience. When it comes down to it, every woman, baby and birth is so vastly different that it’s comical to even think that we can force protocols into place as if there’s a magic standard at work here.

So far, as Tom Petty once said, the waiting is the hardest part …